Are You Proud of Me Yet?
by AnonymousRoise
Summary: Shawn is dying, and he has but one breath left to ask...   WARNING: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. NO SLASH.


_**A/N-Hey! So I got this random idea and had to write it out. It's a oneshot, so it is complete. I hope you enjoy! Special thanks to my friend Becka for helping me work through it and get my thoughts unjumbled! :D**_

Please please review! :D

Also, please like my facebook page:  
>laikynp  
>And follow me on twitter! :D<br>laikynvictoria

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><p>The bullet he had taken in the shoulder three years prior was nothing compared to the bullet Shawn had Just taken to the chest. White hot, burning pain ripped through his entire body as he hit the ground, gasping for the breath he'd lost. Bullets flew through the air above him, no doubt from Lassie and Jules' guns. The three of them, plus Henry and Gus, had entered the empty office space, not expecting someone to be there. Definitely not expecting someone with a GUN to be there. Gus had been slightly ahead of Shawn, who noticed before anyone else that the man had a gun, and had every intention of using it. He yanked his best friend back hard just as the man opened fire, hitting Shawn instead of Gus. Lassiter and Jules went open season on him, subsequently turning him to Swiss cheese. When they knew he was dead, they all ran to Shawn, kneeling next to him, checking his pulse, pressing on his wound. Henry yanked his jacket off and pressed it to the hole in his son's chest, trying desperately to staunch the excessive bleeding.<p>

"Shawn, hang in there." He told him. "Ambulance is on it's way."

Lassiter was in the process of calling for the bus and back up while Gus and Juliet just sat next to Shawn, trying to comfort him.

"It..Hurts.." He gasped out.

"I know, just hang in there, Kid." Henry pressed harder on the wound, causing

Shawn to wince. "I know it hurts, but we've gotta stop the bleeding."

"Dad...I'm not...I'm not gonna make it." Shawn whimpered, eliciting gasps from Gus and Jules.

"Shawn, stop it. You're gonna be fine." Juliet told him, her hand resting on his head and her thumb stroking his forehead.

"Don't talk like that." Gus added. "The ambulance will be here soon, and we'll get you to the hospital and you'll be fine."

"Dad, I know what's going on." Shawn rasped out to his father, knowing Jules and Gus would vehemently deny it. "I'm bleeding out, there's no way I'll make it for the ambulance."

"Shawn…" Henry stared at his son. He felt tears welling in his eyes - and he hated it. "I don't…" The last thing he wanted to do was admit Shawn was right… Because he was.

"Dad, just… Just hold my hand." Shawn suddenly sounded so weak, so innocent and so frail. "Please?"

"Of course, Kid." Henry grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze, feeling the pulse on his wrist slowing.

"Shawn, don't you go anywhere." Gus demanded. "I can hear the sirens now, please, just… Just hang on!" He was panicked, licking his lips and wiping the stray beads of sweat off his forehead.

"I love you Jules." Shawn slowly brought her hand to his mouth and gave it a kiss. "Gus, tell her about the ring, kay?

"Shawn-"

"You were the best friend I could have ever had." He interrupted. "I didn't deserve you, Man. I ran out on you and my problems, and I was stupid. But seriously… Take my lincoln logs, okay? You always wanted them when we were kids..."

"Shawn, I love you, please don't." Jules leaned down and kissed his forehead, letting her lips linger above his skin. "Please don't leave me."

"Lassie-frass. My man, look… I know you were a sourpuss all the time," Shawn continued, as if not hearing the pleading from his best friend and girlfriend. "But I know you secretly liked me." He suddenly winced as a bolt of pain shot through his chest.

"Spencer, stop talking." The aforementioned detective scolded. He would never in a million years admit it, but he was _scared_. "The bus is almost here, just… Man up."

"Aw, Lassie." Shawn grinned feebly. "You _do_ care."

"Spencer-"

He was cut off by Shawn suddenly coughing deep, hacking coughs. By the time he was done, he was shuddering and had blood coming from the corner of his mouth.

"Dear God, Shawn…" Gus whispered, totally unsure of what to do. "Please… Please don't…"

"Dad." Shawn whispered, gasping for breath. "Dad, I… I need to ask you something."

"Anything."

"All my life, I've been… I've been a disappointment to you." He gripped his father's hand as tightly as he could, not feeling the tears that were rolling down his cheeks. "I never did anything you wanted me to do."

"Shawn…" Henry shook his head. "I don't know what you're getting at…"

"Dad…" Shawn brought his heavy eyes up to meet the elder Spencer's. They were glassy, and he was obviously barely hanging on. "Are you proud of me yet?"

The question hit Henry like a ton of bricks. He felt his own chest fill with pain, and the tears fell unashamedly now.

"Shawn." He shook his head, again. "Kid, I've always been proud of you. Always."

Those were the words he needed to hear, because as quickly as they were said, his eyes dropped and his hand that was holding Henry's went limp.

"Shawn!" Juliet exclaimed. "No, Shawn, please!"

"Detective…" Henry shook his head and leaned back on his heels. "He's gone… He's gone."

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><p>Shawn. Is. Dead.<p>

It kept repeating in his head, over and over. His son, his only son, was dead. He turned the words over again and again, but they always came out the same way.  
>Henry was sitting on his couch, half-drank beer in hand. The only light came from the kitchen, casting an eerie glow on the living room. He had just got off the phone with Madeline, who by now was on a flight to Santa Barbara from Florida. She was devastated, of course. Henry wasn't much better. He stared at the blank TV screen, totally spaced. Those same words still running through his mind… It's like he couldn't quite grasp what they meant, though he knew full well.<br>They meant his son was gone, and never coming back.  
>They meant those bright green eyes would never shine again.<br>They meant he'd never have grandchildren like he always assumed he would someday.  
>A father is never supposed to outlive his child.<p>

It was four days later, after the funeral, when Henry, Gus and Maddie were in Shawn's apartment, faced with the arduous task of clearing it out.

"I don't even know what we're supposed to do with this stuff." Gus sighed, looking around the room that was so full of… Shawn. But they soon got to work, piling things in sections. 'Keep' in this area, 'sell' in this area, 'donate' in this one, and 'toss' in another. They had steady pace going, holding up objects to the others to ask what they thought, but oftentimes they just knew what to do with whatever random, obscure keepsake they'd found. But the whole thing was thrown off when Henry found a DVD simply marked, 'In Case of Death' in a hallowed out book under his John Hughes movie collection.

"Oh my God…" He mumbled, sitting with a groan on the bed.

"What is it, Henry?" Maddie came toward him, and Gus followed.

"Is that…Why would he make that?" Gus asked, staring at the DVD.

"Because I taught him to." Henry replied softly. He rose from the bed and went to the TV in the other room. He put the DVD in the player and pressed the little sideways triangle.

"Hey guys… Too bad you're watching this, huh?" Shawn popped on the screen and started talking. He was sitting in this very apartment, on the couch the three other people now inhabited. "Now, I can't say I'm glad that you are, but I'm glad that you found it. I bet Dad did, right? Well, anyways, let's get this started. Well, let's see… Unanswered questions? Gus, I am the one who stole your Michael Jackson poster in sixth grade. I'm sorry, I just.. It was so awesome!"

Gus let out a chuckle, wiping the tears that gathered in his eyes.

"Okay. Well, Jules. I wanted to marry you. I had a ring and everything, but we both kind of realized that it wasn't time." Shawn was looking at his hands in front of him, obviously upset. "If you're watching this, or anyone is watching this, then it means we never got.. We never got the chance. But I wanted to. Just know that I wanted to.  
>"Lassie, yes, it was me who superglued your chair every Thursday." Shawn grinned, now. "You'd think you'd have caught on after five years, but eh. I digress."<p>

Gus remembered when Shawn started supergluing Lassie's chair, and it was nearly exactly five years ago… It hit him, then, that this video must be no more than a couple of weeks old.

"Gus, seriously… I didn't deserve you as a best friend," Shawn spoke again, "but you were the best one I could have asked for." Gus stared at the screen, shocked. Those words had been nearly verbatim to the ones he'd said five days ago.  
>"I shouldn't have just left like I did. It wasn't fair, to you or… Or my dad." Henry rubbed his hand over his mouth, watching the screen intently. "Dad, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left. I know now that the divorce wasn't your fault, but I blamed you for it all, and I was wrong. You weren't a bad father to me… You were the best father you knew how to be, and I shouldn't have expected any more than that. I love you, Pop. I always have, even when I didn't act like it.<br>"Mom, I don't blame you for what happened. I'm tired of placing blame for this, and that, and it just gets so tiring… Emotionally and physically." Shawn continued. "I love you, Mom. I love all you guys. I have one other unanswered question for, well… Everyone except Gus, my mom and my dad."

The three people tensed, though they knew what he was about to say.

"I'm not… I'm not psychic. Okay, Lassie, go ahead. Shout 'I told you so' to the entire department. Now, let me explain. My dad was a bit of a…Well, slave driver is a strong term, but… He trained me to be a cop.. The best cop there ever would be, in fact. I have an eidetic memory, hyper-observancy and have an extensive knowledge of random survival skills that they would never even think of teaching the academy. I said I was psychic cause I didn't exactly want to be put in prison." Shawn sighed. "Okay, moving on…I knew when I started Psych that something could happen to me eventually, so I got my will in order. It's inside my Spongebob Squarepants folder in my third bathroom drawer. My Facebook password is 'the breakfast club is dope', no spaces. Gus, please change my status to 'enjoin' the afterlife'.  
>"All of my financial stuff that Jules helped me with is in my Phineas and Ferb binder in my freezer, along with a few grand in cash to pay any last bills I might have. Oh, and uh…Thanks Dad…Ya taught me good."<p>

_1991_

_Fourteen-year-old Shawn entered the kitchen his father had just called him into, knowing he'd have another lesson for him._

_ "What, Dad?" He asked, exasperatedly. "I'm missing Full House."_

_ "Shawn, I have a lesson for you." Henry replied, motioning for him to sit down. _

_ "Well, yeah, I figured." Shawn stated sarcastically, taking a seat across from his father. "Just.. What is it?" _

_ "Today, Shawn, I'm gonna teach you…" Henry trailed off. "I'm gonna teach you how to die."_

_ "…Excuse me?" _

_ "You heard me." Henry nodded. "As a cop, there might come a time when you get killed in the line of duty. It's not something we want to happen, but you have to be prepared."_

_ "This conversation isn't exactly reinforcing my being a cop, Dad." Shawn said, folding his arms. "This is kind of morbid, don't you think?" _

_ "You'll thank me later, Kid." _

_ "Not if I'm dead."_

_ "Shawn…" Henry stated warningly. Then he sighed. "Just listen. First, you don't want any unanswered questions. If there is any conflict between you and a loved one, settle it. If there are any secrets, tell them."_

_ "How will I do that if I'm dead?" Shawn asked, spreading his arms across the table. "That makes no sense."_

_ "Document it. On paper, on recording, even on tape." Henry told him. "Just do it."_

_ "Tape? Dad, those... recording cameras are ginormous." Shawn rolled his eyes._

_ "Second, make sure your will is set, make sure you have your financials in order, and leave enough money for unpaid bills." Henry continued, ignoring him. "Your family already has to deal with a funeral, they don't want to have to pay all your bills." _

_ Shawn sighed, "okay, whatever. Is there a third?"_

_ "Yes, last one." Henry nodded, leaning up on his arms, staring eye-to-eye with his son. "Don't leave anyone to question whether or not you love them." _


End file.
